Entry 25.15

Sometimes the hardest thing to do when writing these Ponderings is how to start. I remember Mr. Smith talking to me in High School about how important the first and last sentences of a paragraph were so important. You needed to draw the reader in with the first sentence, so they see the importance of continuing to read. Then at the end you need to wrap up the topic of that particular paragraph with the last sentence and keep them interested in continuing to read. I just went back and read a few entries to see how well I was doing with that. Definitely some work to do. Never thought I would be complaining about “writer’s block” but here I am. A few times I didn’t even have a topic in mind, but I sat down and just started to write. I don’t remember the book nor the Pulitzer Prize winner the author was talking about, but recently an audio book I was listening to talked about writer’s block. The Pulitzer Prize winning author was asked by the author of the book how to overcome writer’s block. The answer? Sit down and write two hundred words a day. Doesn’t matter what those two hundred words are but just give yourself the goal of writing just two hundred words. The Pulitzer Prize winning author went on to explain that giving himself a reachable goal every day made it easy to see each day as a success. On days where he was experiencing writer’s block and start writing his two hundred words were some of the most efficient writing days he ever had, just because he set a simple goal and simply started writing. For reference, these entries are typically just over two thousand words. And I’m not a professional writer. It takes me about three hours to write one of these entries, edit it, then get it scheduled to be sent out on CoachNow, the blog page on my website and email it out to the PGM students. When I first started the process, it was more like five or six hours. There’s been a few times where I put off writing because I had no idea of what to write about or where to start. Then I heard the story I just related and took the advice. The result? I am usually two or three weeks ahead. Now I don’t sit down and write two hundred words a day. But in the times that I set aside for writing, I just start to write. It would be really easy to put it off. I mean, I write to help clear my head. But what happens when my head is clear? Nothing is expected of me. I don’t have deadlines or tons of avid readers lining up to read the jumbled-up mess that flows out of my mind and into the keyboard. I don’t have to write an entry every week, but I do it anyway. I really enjoy it and don’t want to put a stumbling block in my way. A stumbling block that all too often gets in our way. Procrastination.

The most recent audiobook that I listened to was The Power of Starting Something Stupid by Richie Norton. In the book, the author talks about procrastination. I’m not going to spend a lot of time here because I don’t want it to be the focus of this entry. But people who procrastinate aren’t lazy, they don’t have time management issues, and they can change. I think procrastination happens for two reasons: procrastinators see something else as more worthy of their time and they don’t want to feel uncomfortable. It’s much easier to put something off that you must do in order to do something you enjoy doing. But Mr. Norton starts his book off with a couple of stories. The first story was about his brother-in-law, Gavin, who died unexpectedly around the age of twenty. The Norton’s went on to name one of their sons after his uncle. But ten weeks into the child’s life, the couple had to make the difficult decision to take their son off of life support. It was a heartbreaking story to listen to made even more gut wrenching by the fact that the author was reading the audiobook. You could hear the pain in his voice as he read his own words. But from that life changing experience, the author developed what he called “Gavin’s Law”. And Gavin’s Law is so much more worth writing about than procrastination. Gavin’s Law is as follows: Start to live, live to start. At least that is how it was portrayed when he read it. But as I continued to listen to the book, I came to realize that Gavin’s Law is better written as: S.T.A.R.T. to live, live to S.T.A.R.T.

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word serve? You might think of restaurant. Others might think back in history to a time where servants were common. When I think about service, I equate it with another word: lead. Now I didn’t always think about it this way. No, this has been and still is a lifelong journey I am on. I used to think of leadership as one person telling others what to do. I think that is a pretty common definition. Thankfully, I have had the opportunities to work for several great leaders and try to emulate them. There were definitely times when those leaders told me what to do, don’t get me wrong. It’s not that a good servant leader will never do that. And they didn’t do everything for me. What they did do is make sure that I was set up for success and that they were there for me if I needed them. When I became a machine gun team leader in the Army, my squad leader sat his three new team leaders down and told us that we were now leaders and what his expectations were. Some of those expectations were what you might expect. We were supposed to make sure that our privates were up to snuff and that he expected us to train and drill with them constantly. But then he gave us other expectations. The picture he gave us was a stark contrast to my first team leader. My first team leader was all about him. My job was to make him look good. I’d be given a list of tasks to complete, and he was head off to the gym or even leave for the day. If I messed up, I got punished. If I messed up in front of company leadership, I was sure to pay even worse. When my privates messed up, I was expected to take the brunt of the company commander’s displeasure, then turn around and work with my privates on correcting our inadequacies. Their failures were my failures and their successes were theirs. Doesn’t mean they never received corrective punishment in the form of PT. But I learned how to put them first. On a 24-hour shift, my team leader would spend the night sleeping while I manned the desk. My privates would be the ones sleeping on those shifts. I was by no means a perfect team leader; these are just examples of what it means to lead. What it means to serve.

Being thankful can be a tricky line to walk. If you were like me, you were taught growing up that if someone did something for you or gave you something, you said thank you. But I think that habit has caused us to not understand what being thankful truly is. Being thankful isn’t just saying the words “thank you”. I think we can all think of times when those words are said, but more out of habit and less out of a true feeling of gratefulness. There are definitely times when someone says thank you, that I just want to say “Sure, really sounds like it.” There are other times when someone says those words, that I can feel their thanks. That is really what it means to be thankful. You are giving something back to the person to whom you are thankful. My heart is filled and my day uplifted when I am given true thanks. Many times, what I did is part of my job. But there is a difference when someone says thank you because you are expected to do something and it comes out of their mouth out of habit, and when they understand the time and effort that was put forth to help them. Being thankful is about building relationships, communication and two way empathy.

Sometimes we fail to ever begin something because we never ask. For me, failing to ask someone for help or for support stems from two things: fear and pride. Those two things are linked together in my mind. I am not afraid of failure. I’ve failed way too many times in my life to be afraid of that anymore. I’ve gotten comfortable and even welcoming to failure. But what someone may think of me? That is a different story. You would think by this point in my life I would be over the high school “what does so and so think of me” problem, but I still have way too much pride. There is a difference in being prideful and being proud. I am proud of my accomplishments. I think that is okay and even healthy. What isn’t helpful is letting my pride get in the way of progress. I’m over a year into this job and I absolutely loath having to walk down the hall and ask a coworker for help for something I feel like I should be able to handle. I want to be the person who is self sufficient and can handle anything. But I’m not and can’t. The thing is I never will be. I need others to help. But there is a second part to asking that sometimes we fail to really understand and that is receiving.

It’s simple to think of receiving as just extending your hand and taking what you are being given. But I think it is way more than that. Just taking what you are being given is not receiving, it’s getting. Getting something is awesome. We all love to get stuff. Think about kids. They love to get a new toy. Where does it normally end up though? Buried in the closet along with the other thousand toys they have gotten in the past. Getting something is easy, receiving something takes work. Receiving something means making it special. Something you appreciate. Something you use. When that toy gets shoved in the closet and forgotten, how do you think it makes the giver feel? Contrast that with the pride and joy the giver gets when seeing that toy being used constantly. Sometimes what you receive isn’t a physical object. It could be time. When someone gives you their time, the best thing you can do is use it wisely and not waste it. Receiving is about respect. Receiving isn’t about getting, it’s about giving back to the giver. Cycle back to “thank” for more.

The second “T” in S.T.A.R.T. is trust. Trust is so hard to build, so easy to lose. Trust is all about relationships. The stronger the sense of trust between two people, the stronger the relationship. And the more it hurts when that trust is broken. But trust is so vital to truly living. In the world of finance, your credit score is a numerical reflection of the trust that a financial institution can have in you to repay your financial debt. The higher the number, the more you can be trusted to follow through. The same is true in our personal relationships. Whether you know it or not, you keep a credit score for every person in your life. It may not be an actual number but quickly run through a list of the people in your life. You know some will be there no matter the time of day, weather, or circumstance. Those are people you trust. There are other people that you enjoy spending time with, but you probably wouldn’t ask them for help because you know they will see their phone light up and you won’t hear back from them. There is a major difference in the type of relationship you have with those two people. There is a different level of trust there. Trusting can be hard because you are putting yourself out there. You are taking a risk. You could get hurt. But trusting no one is a terrible way to live. As someone who likes being alone, I still need people in my life to truly live.

Gavin’s Law is all about doing something. You have been given an amazing opportunity to live. But to truly live, you have to start. Failing to do so ends with regret. We have been told to work now, live later. That’s what the government and businesses have been telling us when it comes to retirement for the last sixty years. Put away money now, enjoy life later. But by the time we get to retirement, our lives are in the waning years. Don’t procrastinate with life. Don’t put off living until tomorrow. Make the most of today. Start to live, live to start. Serve. Thank. Ask. Receive. Trust.