Entry 25.13

Professional golf is in such a crappy place right now. The PGA Tour vs. LIV conflict has been raging for almost three years now. I can’t believe it has been almost three years since the LIV Invitational Series began (now the LIV Golf League). That hafs been to blame for the rift in the game. Hopefully, they can figure things out. It would be nice to see the best players in the world teeing it up week to week again. And for the PGA Tour to stop the currently route they are on. I’m not a huge fan of the ever-expanding purses. And now less players keep their cards at the season to allow for the influx of new talent. I’m all for new talent. I mean after all, it is what I do for a living: help players develop their talent. And I know we can’t let everyone in. If we did, I’d be teeing it up every chance I got. Thank goodness there are limits. One of the best players I’ve met in the last five years Monday Qualified into the Valspar Championship a couple weeks ago. He didn’t make the cut, but he did put himself out there. I can’t imagine the pressure that he felt on that first tee. He knew he was representing more than just himself. But he did it anyway. I have no doubt that he believed he could play well. I do doubt this was the last time he will tee it up in a PGA Tour event. He will get back. He has that kind of fire inside of him. That fire is something special.

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine who graduated from our Fall 2024 PGA HOPE class. He wants to play tournament golf. He and I talk often. Almost every day. Either when he comes out to practice or over text or email, we talk. Sometimes it’s just an Instagram post he sends me or vice versa. Recently he sent me a post someone had made from the movie Balboa.

Paulie: Rocko, ain’t nobody giving you no title shot.

Rocky: I know that. I don’t want one.

Paulie: So, this isn’t a mental disturbance?

Rocky: No…

Paulie: You mad cuz they took down your statue?

Rocky: No… (Paulie chuckles) no, not really.

Paulie: If its about money, just hang a sign around your neck “Punch Me”. Five dollars, you’ll make big money (chuckles again). What? You haven’t peaked yet?

Rocky: Peaked?

Paulie: Peaked.

Rocky: …I don’t know. There’s still some stuff in the basement. Paulie: What basement? Rocky: [Points to his chest] In here. Paulie: Tell me about the stuff. Rocky: What about it? Paulie: Tell me about the stuff inside. Is it angry? Rocky: Angry? Paulie: Are you mad because Adrian left you? Rocky: [Upset] She didn’t leave, Paulie. She died. Paulie: [Apologetic] Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Rocky: [Crying] You know, sometimes it’s hard to breathe. You know, I feel, like, this beast inside me. Paulie: It’s okay, Rocko. Please, it’s okay. Rocky: Is it okay? I just never knew it was supposed to be this hard. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Paulie.

He left me a simple message following the post. “How I feel about golf”. Wham! I knew how badly he wants to improve his game. But this told me so much more. You see there are people in life who want things… but they just want them. They don’t want to work for it. There are way too many people who don’t want to work for them. But I’m blessed to have worked with a ton of people who did work. Except they didn’t work for things. They worked for each other. They wanted to be the best for each other. They had a fire that is so hard to explain. But once you see it, you recognize it when you see it again. Sometimes it is hidden. Or out of sight. Locked away in the dark corner of the basement. But something sheds some light on it. For me, that something was golf. Same as for my friend. So, when he made that comment, I knew exactly what he meant.

I don’t want you to think that only a few people in the world have that fire. We all have it. We all have that thing that we are passionate about. For some of us, that thing is golf. For others, it is playing video games. For other, it is baking. We all have our thing. But not everyone lets that fire burn. They don’t let the beast out. They keep it locked and fettered in the basement. My belief is that the main cause for not letting the beast out and following your true passions is fear. Fear that you will let someone down. Fear that you will let yourself down. Fear of failure. We all have that fear. No one wants to fail. About five years ago, an acquaintance of mine introduced me to Brené Brown. In June of 2010, Ms. Brown gave a TED talk called “The Power of Vulnerability”. On TED.com it had 67,454, 989 plays. The transcript is available in 52 languages. 52! Now it has at least 67,454,990 plays. I have watched this TED talk numerous times over the last 5 years. It helps me find clarity when I’m feeling down. When I don’t feel like I’m good enough. Ms. Brown connected this feeling to shame. “Shame is really easily understood as the fear of disconnection: Is there something about me that, if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection? …we all know that feeling: I’m not blank enough. I’m not thin enough, right enough, beautiful enough, smart enough, promoted enough.” For me, the feeling is always connected to one instance from my last deployment, one that I will not be getting into. But know that story left me wondering Was I enough? The answer in my mind is always a resounding NO!! It took me years to understand that answer was linked to how ashamed I was of my abilities and myself. Due to that incident, whenever I ask myself the question Am I enough? The answer comes back You weren’t enough then, what makes you think you are enough now? Even though the originally the question was asked about my skills in my last career, the answer tends to carry over when asked about my current career.

It isn’t all about courage to take things on. I definitely thought it was. I’ve never had an issue with courage. Probably because courage can often be substituted for stupidity. Yeah, looking back when I thought I was being brave, I was really being a moron. But Ms. Brown refined my thoughts on courage. In her talk, she said “I want to separate courage and bravery for you for a minute. Courage, the original definition of courage, when it first came into the English language – it’s from the Latin word “cor” meaning heart – and the original definition was to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.” So, courage is really about defining who you are at the core. I think that could be exactly what Rocky meant when he was talking about the basement. Who he was at the core.

The other half of the equation is the topic of her TED talk: vulnerability. What is vulnerability to you? How would you define it? If you have the same thought process I did, you probably equate vulnerability with weakness. That’s how I always thought about it. Something not to be. Ms. Brown defines vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure”. To prevent ourselves from feeling vulnerable, we put on our vulnerability armor. We do so to protect ourselves from perceived threats like rejection or judgment. Except that armor has an unintended consequence. It keeps “our true self – with all its insecurities and inadequacies – hidden from the outside world” according to Ms. Brown. We don’t actually show people who we are at the core. We show them what we want them to believe us to be, not who we truly are. True courage isn’t just facing your fears because you still have your vulnerability armor on. True courage is standing in the fray and chucking your armor aside while life does it’s best to take you down for good. Letting people see you for who you are at your core. You see courage and vulnerability go hand in hand.

Vulnerability is so hard. No one wants to feel vulnerable. Because we fear what other people will think of us. That we won’t be enough. But for people like my friend and the Monday Qualifier, when they put themselves out there, no doubt is left about who they really are. Recently, my friend played in a tournament. I’m still scared as all get out when I tee it up in a real competition. For me, the words of a couple of my former teachers and current colleagues ring in my ears. “You have to be a great player to be a good golf professional. Especially if you want to teach.” Will I lose credibility if I don’t play well? The answer is maybe. But if I don’t tee it up, I’m not being true to who I am. Same for our Monday Qualifier. Same for my friend. He ended up shooting 112 in that tournament. As we reviewed his round, he sent me this message “I signed up for another tournament in April”. Dude just shot 112, came in last, and same day signed up for another tournament. A true example of courage and vulnerability. He showed me who he was that day. The next day he sent me the Instagram post from Balboa. If there was any doubt, it was fully erased in that moment.

Whenever I watch Ms. Browns TED Talk, I also watch a short clip from Coach Carter. The quote is originally from the book A Return to Love: Reflections on the principles of a course in miracles by Marianne Williamson. I have shared it before, but it requires repeating.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

This time that quote means something more. My friend opened the door to the basement and let the beast out. He let his light shine and in doing so, freed me to do the same. Professional golf may be in the shitter right now, but real golf isn’t. Because professional golf isn’t real golf even if they think it is. Day in and day out, my players prove that by showing who they are… at their core.